So you’ve applied, you’ve waited and you’ve received your visa. Now it’s time to learn The 10 Commandments of Auxiliares de Conversación in Spain.
1. Thou shall not order a “cerveza” at the bar.
You either want a “caña” (small), a “doble” (double), or a “jarra” (large).
If you’re thirsty, I hope you can roll your ‘r’s.
Saying anything else will result in automatic “guiri” status.
2. Thou shall not expect efficiency, especially between the hours of 2pm and 4pm.
Just abandon all hope for important errands or paperwork to run smoothly, basically ever.
Expect complete disregard for everything during siesta.
Hey, if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. Caña anyone?
3. Thou shall not continue buying coffee from Starbucks.
Take advantage of being in the country of cheap café con leche. A cup from a local bar should never put you back more than €1.50, even in big cities.
4. Thou shall never reveal to the parents that their children learned nothing during a private lesson.
Sometimes, kids just don’t want to learn. Sometimes, you just don’t want to teach. “Playing in English” is worth that €20 an hour, right?
5. Honor the rules of Ryanair.
Don’t be one of those people, holding up the check-in line or repacking their suitcase on the floor. Yes, Ryanair sucks but it’s worth dealing with.
Check-in online, print your boarding pass and travel with only acceptable carry-on luggage and things will go smoothly!
6. Thou shall complain that you’re poor, even though you really aren’t.
You say as you stuff your face with jamón ibérico, down multiple glasses of Rioja and scour the web for plane tickets.
7. Thou shall not get accidentally drunk in the middle of the day.
Okay, let’s face it. Most of us are sinners.
8. Remember the value of the constant three-day weekend, keep it holy.
Worship it, live by it, take advantage of it.
9. Thou shall not get enough sleep.
The Spanish are a different breed of human. They can function on less sleep than the rest of us.
10. Thou shall remember that as much as your commute might suck, as much as your savings are dwindling and as much as you dread your private classes…
Thursday is just around the corner and life doesn’t get much better than this.