When someone asks me what I want to do after teaching in Korea, I usually sigh and say “I don’t know”. It’s always a lie. I’ve always known what I’ve wanted to do; most of us have. But the problem lies in the question itself. If the question was, “If you could choose anything in the world, what would you want to do?” we could all answer. But the real question is “What do you think you’ll do, in which is possible, socially acceptable and will make you decently happy?”. Now the answer is hard.
If I’ve come to any realization recently, it is how much pressure we seem to put on ourselves. We are all told to stay on the the same path. Finish high school, go straight to college, graduate in four years (maybe five, but never six. Oh no, you must be lazy if it took you six!) Then after college, dive into a career. This career is supposed to be one we should have for the long run, working our way up, putting off other aspirations until we can finally retire and live the good life… (All the while we should be planning to get married and have children).
I did fine up until recently, but now I’m questioning this status quo.
I am not saying that people who have roughly followed this path are wrong. I’m not saying they are unhappier. I am just saying it shouldn’t be a mold for all of us.
We are all raised with illusions of an American Dream, which at first seems positive. This American Dream is visible in our fairy tales. It’s visible in our role-models. It’s on T.V and in our school curriculum. Yet sometimes I wonder if our generation has become jaded by it.
A while back I read an article by Stephanie at Twenty-Something Travel, and one sentence stuck with me.
“The problem with the American Dream is that it’s slightly out of reach.”
There is always a bigger house, a better job, a faster car and more material possessions which are supposed to make us happy.
Why is there so much pressure to live like this? Who told us this was the best way? What if I can’t fit into the same mold? Will I be worse off?
In the last few months, all these thoughts and stressors have been lingering in the back of my head. They come out when I least want them to. They creep out of the dark of my brain and intrude into my other thoughts, like unwanted ghosts. Pests that disrupt the contentedness I have in most other aspects of my life. It can all be very stressful, and I know I’m not the only one. The fact that the term “quarter-life crisis” is frequently used and understood by twenty-somethings is a problem in itself.
The other night I was hanging with a bunch of Europeans. A Swede, a few Germans, two Lithuanians and a Colombian, to name a few. They were all students, here (Korea) for a semester or year abroad. They were also all my same age, around 24. Every conversation was so interesting. I was reminded why I love to travel: to see new places, and talk to new people. Deep inside I was so intrigued with what it must be like to live in Lithuania, but not wanting to ask any stupid questions, I held my tongue. Then my mind drifted and I wondered if I could travel there someday…hey..maybe teach English…
Photo from eTramping.com
I saw something interesting in this whole group. They were full of life. Full of excitement. Full of motivation. The world was their oyster. They knew this was just the beginning. I asked them what they wanted to do after studying in Korea, and thoughts like ‘finishing school slowly’, ‘maybe moving to Berlin’, ‘maybe taking an internship in China’ all came into the conversations. Then they asked me what I was going to do after Korea, and I said I was going traveling for a few months, then my usual “I don’t know”.
Sometimes it feels like these problems are just in my head. An internal battle. Just confusion. Stress which comes in response to societal pressures. Other times, especially while around other like-minded people, I feel like it could be something having to do with our generation.
The world we have seen as we’ve grown up, and the world we live in now could be changing something within us. Maybe we want the twenties to be a time for something different than the usual track or maybe we’d rather it be as a time for exploration. Not of just borders, but of different jobs, different relationships, different cities. Not all of us want to just be “getting it all out of our systems” in order to be happy settling down. In essence, using that phrase just diminishes the meaning of these experiences.
Maybe the problem lies with travel, and the fact that travel compounds on itself. For some of us, the more we travel, the more we want to see. With every country I go, I become aware of a new one to visit that interests me. It really comes down to: the more I see, the less I realize I’ve seen. The more I understand, the more curious I become.
I realize my feelings above may just be due to the lifestyle I’ve been fortunate to live. I realize especially to Americans, I make up a very small demographic. Travel or not, anyone in their twenties right now may have the same questions about how they want to live their life. I also realize everyone that reads this will have a distinctly different opinion. Some will reject these ideas, some will think I’m spoiled, while others may be able to relate.
I had a well-off childhood. I am so thankful for the life my parents created for me and I’ll never take that for granted. Yet when I ask myself if I am ready to create those same things for myself, I don’t think I’m ready. One day I want a stable career, nice things, and a fortunate family, but thinking about those things now seems so far away. Sometimes, I feel bad about that. “If I could just still be twenty-two or something, I wouldn’t have to think about all this” . I feel so young, but with the pressure to be so old. The older I get, the more immature I feel.
The contradictions in my head pull and release like a tug-of-war. So many things I don’t know for sure. All these paths I have in front of me should feel inspiring. I have been trying to feel excited about ‘life after Korea’ for too many weeks now. It still feels stressful.
So, maybe you are wondering. What do I want to do? If I could chose anything, having my mind in the present, with fears, stressors, age, money, homesickness, and status quo aside…
I’d say be happy, and make enough money to travel and continue to write about it.
I love that phrase “the older I get, the more immature I feel” – it sums up getting older generally. If whatever you do makes you happy, then it is right. So many people don’t even achieve that. xx
Well, it’s good to know I’m not the only one that has felt this way
Thanks Bron! xx
I used to struggle with answering that same question as well. Then it occurred to me that actually I knew exactly what I wanted to do, I just didn’t want to tell people because I thought it sounded outlandish and irresponsible. Gotta stick up for the dream.
Audrey @thatbackpacker recently posted..The Ways In Which I’ve Travelled
Yes, it really sounds that way doesn’t it! ‘Outlandish and irresponsible’ is totally the way society looks at it. Thanks for making me feel like others have struggled with the same!
I love everything about this post. Thanks for putting my same thoughts online in such an eloquent way!
Keep dreamin’
Thank you Becky!
I can definitely relate to this feeling. Lately, I’ve been thinking that if I just keep following my instincts, and do whatever feels right at each moment, then how can that not lead to a happy future? Plus, I feel like I’m more open to opportunities if I’m not constantly, terrifyingly preoccupied with the question of “what am I going to do with my life?” The American Dream will still be there if I want to go back – although it seems less and less likely that I ever will.
Jessica recently posted..Why You Don’t Remember Your Last Vacation
Very true. I would hate to pass things by because I’m worried about a career back home!
Great pst – I’m definitely going through a sort-of quarter life crisis too. It’s such an uncertain time of life, but I think we just need to enjoy the ride! xx
Scarlett recently posted..The Scarlett Guide To… Moving House
Thanks Scarlett! Good luck with your crisis
And you are right, we should enjoy it!
That quote about traveling not to escape life but for life not to escape us is really great – seems like an awesome attitude to have to traveling. Hadn’t heard that one before, so thanks!
30Traveler recently posted..Playa Del Carmen Rentals – How To
“I feel so young, but with the pressure to be so old”– I can absolutely relate! I sometimes forget my age and when asked how old I am I’m surprised–and aghast– to say 26. I know I shouldn’t feel that way, but it is hard when so many people around me are getting married, having babies, working their way up the corporate ladder, and I realize I don’t have any of those things we are “supposed” to have and do at this age. Yet when I consider actually doing those things, I realize I don’t want to! It’s challenging to remove ourselves from the way of the “American dream” and establish our own path without feeling inadequate about it… but if you believe in what you do and follow what makes you happy, I have faith that you–and I, and all the other people experiencing this “quarter life crisis”– will figure out what to do with our lives, and it will be FANTASTIC.
Thank you Kaleena, what an amazing comment! It will be fantastic, you’re right!
I see you are going to Korea soon. I can’t wait to read along and see how things go! I’ll be leaving about when you get here, but if you need any advice let me know!
Try feeling this way after 7 years at work and just a year from the big 30! Life is not easy or formulaic, keep dreaming, keep striving it’s the journey that counts.
This is likely the best post I have read all year, from any travel blog! You made my top 5 of 2012 (which will be posted in a few weeks). Really amazing post!
Adam Sommer recently posted..Nashville, TN: The Hermitage
Thanks a ton Adam! That’s really nice of you
I’ll be keeping an eye out for it!
Great post, Jessica! Although I’m not American I can totally relate to this! As you said – most of us 20-something people struggle with the very same questions. Sometimes the feeling of not being able to manage it all – career, traveling, relationship, family, happiness – it just so overwhelming… I will graduate in May and the question “what’s next?” is putting a lot of pressure on me. I really don’t know. I think I will just apply to interning positions and for volunteer projects in Brazil and India and wherever else sounds interesting – and wait for the acceptance letters to decide for me
Julika recently posted..Picturesque Monday: The Louvre in the Rain
Very nice post Jessica. I actually just wrote another article talking about the path we choose in life. I sincerely believe that we should be bold and different! Who wants to be a sheep? Thanks for your thoughts, I enjoyed the post!
Andy recently posted..Why Robert Frost took the road less traveled
Thanks so much Andy!
I can completely relate to this. I love travelling and teaching, but this never seems to be enough for people; they always ask me “what next?” When am I getting a car/an actual job (even though teaching is…well…a job?), why am I single, when am I getting a house/cat/couch? And you’re right, I feel the same – the older I get, the younger I feel too – especially when surrounded by friends settling down!
It’s reassuring to know others feel the same way or are still confused in life – I’m sure the quarter-life crisis will pass us by and we’ll all decide eventually what we want in life (be it cats and couches or travel and backpacks).
Alex recently posted..Happy New Year
It’s great to hear from others who feel the same! Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment
Great post, all this really resonated with me. I’ve always thought the “american dream” is a joke, but I’ve never thought of it the way you did, about the whole thing being “out of reach”, it’s so true!
I’m turning 24 next month, I can’t help but to feel some pressure about this coming year..
Thank you
Well, I know how you feel and it seems like a lot of us who travel feel the same. I’m sure 24 will be great for you!
[...] to get through the year. It has also given me the inspiration to continue my travels in the future, something I’ve doubted and worried about. It’s also helped me reflect on my time in Korea, what I want in life, and also what is [...]